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Parenting Tips: Mastering the Teen Years
I guess one of the nicest things you can say about being a teenager is that it’s an art, like anything else.
There doesn’t seem to be an instruction booklet or even a
the owner’s manual. Most teenagers I work with feel like they’re making it up as they go. So there are many questions that remain unanswered.
Who am I?
Who will I be?
Who am I going to model myself from?
There doesn’t seem to be many useful choices, and it gets frustrating and confusing at times.
Then there’s this whole question of self-esteem. How are teenagers (or adults for that matter) supposed to feel good about themselves when the standard imposed on them is unrealistic perfection.
What I believe is that children experience the wide gap between “television reality” and “real reality”, and feel rather inadequate.
Being a parent of a teenager can also be considered an art, sometimes difficult.
Many smart, successful parents find themselves completely stuck and helpless when it comes to caring for their 16-year-old.
As one parent told me, “I can make the governor listen to me, but I can’t make my daughter make her bed.
16 in progress 26 and 16 in progress 6
Most 16-year-olds I’ve known are just 16 out of 26 and 16 out of 6, all at the same time.
Parents wonder who they are dealing with at any given time: the 6-year-old, the 16-year-old or the 26-year-old. It is important to remember that they face a rapidly changing model.
Many people are familiar with the term “dysfunctional families” by now. I’m not convinced it’s always a useful or helpful term. Many families I work with are simply “stuck” – stuck on certain issues or stages of development.
Do you remember the last time your car got stuck in mud or sand? The harder you tried to get out, the more you spun your wheels and got stuck deeper.
I think families sometimes work that way too. Good advice is simply to help a family “unlock” by building on existing strengths and developing new ones, to get them back on the road and on their way.
It can be as simple as that.
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