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Discover How You Can Secure Your Relationship Or Marriage
What value do you place on your relationship/marriage? What can you do to make sure your relationship/marriage doesn’t end up in the divorce bin? The incidence of divorce and sour relationships could be minimized in our societies if certain things are taken into consideration. It amazes me to see or read about this in the papers how once a bubbling, love-infected relationship/marriage suddenly turns into hate/sourness to the point that the parties have to go their separate ways. So I wondered where is all the sweet-nothing, “I love you to the end of the word” blah blah blah that usually pervades the first period of such a relationship?
The most painful thing is the fate of the seeds already produced by such a relationship/marriage and the key players or parties do not seem to be aware of the darkness into which they could plug the offspring. It is usually the children who bear the brunt of any broken marriage/relationship. As such, steps must be taken to ensure that undesirable situations never occur.
What do you know?
Isn’t it a risky and suicidal mission to enter into a relationship/marriage with someone you barely know? How many of him/her do you know? What does he/she do? Who is he/she dating? What about his background and background? What about his characters and his attitudes?
It’s a shame that a lot of people these days never bother to find out, at least, a little useful information about the other person in their relationship. And unlike our ancestors, the incidence of divorce is increasing day by day.
Sure, some information could be well crafted, but it’s only a matter of time before the lid is opened and the truth is revealed. The thing is, somehow, somewhere, someone would know something that could be helpful and help you figure out whether or not you should continue the relationship. But how many people really want to go that far these days before diving into a relationship? A few people, and that’s why there are a lot of broken hearts everywhere.
You may not be able to find useful information before entering such a relationship, however, it will help you to use the first few weeks of the relationship to gather enough information about him that could guide you as to the wisdom whether or not to continue the relationship. There would be little or no harm if you decided to stop at this point based on your findings. Nevertheless, the danger here is that since the rhythm of your feelings or emotions could be very deep at this early stage, you could be ruled by your emotions rather than your reasoning. And before you know it, you wouldn’t commit to finding out anything worthwhile and even if you did, you might be tempted to ignore it.
How many times have you heard remarks like “it doesn’t matter if he smokes, I can change it over time?” I know he’s a womanizer, but would he change once we settled down?”
How do you think this is possible? I want you to answer that.
Probably many people allow the overdone romance between two people in romance novels and movies to blind them to the reality of life. These love games depicted in such circumstances do not reflect real world events. Many young people have this misconception in their minds and have moved forward in a relationship/marriage and when faced with the reality they rush in leaving hurts, misfortunes and pains in their wake. They let their emotions dominate their reasons in the first place.
So, to protect your marriage/relationship, you have to face the reality that people are constantly changing, even you. A man or woman may behave a certain way at the beginning of a relationship, especially while dating, and behave differently later. And you’ll start wondering if you’re dealing with another person. Of course you are. Our attitudes and behaviors at any time make us the exact person we were when we displayed such behavior or attitude. Circumstances and situations change; people too.
Unless you prepare for such a shift or reality, you may be devastated when it happens. Who says your spouse can’t betray you? Have you been so blinded by love that you can’t see the likelihood of it happening? No matter how long you’ve been together, the fact and reality is that it happens to other people every day and you’re no different from them. The sooner you realize this, the better because it will protect you to some degree if you ever had to break up and allow you to pick up the pieces of your life from where it was left!
Be a good communicator
When your spouse/partner does things you don’t like or approve of, do you speak up or keep silent and heal your pains in silence? How do you communicate your opinions to him? When addressing contentious issues, how do you air your grievances? Do you cry blue murder or do you approach the issue calmly and patiently? How do you express your desire? Do you use body or verbal language?
Your answer to all of these questions will determine whether or not your relationship/marriage survives. Often the cause of misunderstanding and divorce in the relationship/marriage is the result of miscommunication between the parties. Some people find it difficult to relate to their spouse.
Should you strive to communicate your feelings and needs, whether emotional, physical or spiritual, to your spouse? As a married woman, who says you can’t start the sex movement? You may not necessarily be verbal, but you can still express your need/want through your dress, your scent, your appearance, and the way you behave in the presence of your spouse. Remember that men are affected by sight, hearing and smell.
What else? You must be a good listener too! Women, by nature, really want to clear their heads at the end of each day. A wife wants to tell her husband everything that is happening that day from A to Z and God help her if he doesn’t listen even if he has to pretend to, he has to. An average woman believes that her husband would only listen to her if he still cares about her and loves her.
Often a man also wants to go home and share his challenges and problems at work that day with his wife. Thus, his listening ear and calming response would go a long way in strengthening him and motivating him to overcome any challenges he may face. Have you ever seen a man in tears? He definitely needs his wife’s attention at such a critical time and she can only communicate her sympathy, love and support through simple touch and anything else you can imagine!
It’s amazing to see a once dashing and very attractive woman turn to something else soon after marriage. I have seen many young women married like that. They no longer take care of their hair, appearance, body and general appearance. They believe that because they got the marriage certificate and got the man hooked, it doesn’t matter how they look or how they look in public. After all, no one would care anymore. What these women don’t understand is that their first admirer is their husband and they have to do everything to constantly capture his attention if they don’t want to lose him to another woman on the outside.
If you really want to secure your marriage and make sure your husband doesn’t look the other way, except in cases where a man is so turned on that no matter how attractive the woman is or whatever she does, he still wouldn’t satisfied, you should always take care of your physical appearance. Don’t give up on what you did that attracted him to you in the first place and you should keep up with the times and changes in fashion and style. He is your husband and that means there is no limit to what you can do to seduce him. Give her a reason to still want you and you’ll be able to keep other women at bay.
I had an experience with this reconditioning myself when I was in polytechnic. I had two classmates who were ripe for marriage but no suitors. Then one day a friend of mine, who was older and already married, saw them coming and noticed that if the ladies could get excited, the suitors would rush at them. In fact, that was the first and only time I heard the word, reconditioning, being used for being human.
Somehow the message got to them and before you know it, their dress and look changed and they became more attractive and inviting. No, they weren’t indecent in their attire. And soon after, they both got married and are happy now. Men are definitely turned on by what they see, what they hear and when they smell!
Create time to be together
Last week, I was listening to a telephone program on the radio where a married man was complaining bitterly that his wife had abandoned him for the children! Often some women create cracks in their relationships/marriages when they divert all of their husband’s attention to the children. What they don’t know is that men are terribly jealous no matter who is involved and before you know it they would start dating other women on the outside.
Similarly, some men unknowingly issue infidelity tickets to their wives when they are only looking for work! work!! and the work!!! They don’t come home on time and when they do, they bring work from the office. They travel endlessly to the point that the poor woman tires of loneliness and seeks a companion outside of her relationship/marriage. And before the workaholic husband realizes what’s going on, the damage is already done. The wife filed for divorce.
The best thing to do is to devote enough time to each member of your family, to let the family spend more time together, and sometimes you should do a retreat that involves you and your spouse without any other family members. the family does not interfere. Relive the sweet memories of the premarital time you spent together. And another honeymoon? Who said it could only be once? And before you know it, your relationship/marriage would be forever secure.
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